The glass shattered first. Then hands pulled the door open. Then fists. Then gunshots. Certain details have stayed with Themba Dlamini from the hijacking that nearly took his life. One of the details he recalls is how young the men were.
“Young enough to be my classmates. Young enough to still be someone’s sons,” he says. “And the question that has stayed with me ever since is: where were their fathers?”
Dlamini – a husband, father of four, pastor, chartered accountant and author of Village Boy: A Memoir of Fatherlessness – believes this question sits at the heart of Heartlines’ Fathers Matter campaign, which is calling for a broader national conversation about the role fathers and father figures play in shaping safer communities.
Research from the Fathers Matter report suggests violence does not begin with a weapon, but much earlier in the emotional lives of children. Pathways to violence often take shape in how children experience and process anger, shame and conflict.
“Violence can look sudden, like someone snapped,” says Dlamini. “But it usually grows quietly – in anger that is never named, in shame that is never softened, in boys who were never shown what to do with their strength.”
The report notes that children often mirror behaviours they associate with manhood, including substance abuse, aggression, bullying and violence.
In South Africa, responses to violence often focus on enforcement and crisis intervention. Heartlines argues prevention starts earlier, and that positive fatherhood can help break cycles of harm.
The absence of father figures may increase children’s vulnerability to violence, both as victims and, in some cases, as perpetrators. Existing research links father absence in South Africa to higher levels of gender-based violence.
“When the father is not there, children become resentful, they carry anger,” said one of the children interviewed for the formative Heartlines research.
“Our fathers should make us feel safe around them…some of us are afraid of our fathers, they are always shouting and beating us up,” said another.
“Women’s voices matter in this conversation,” says Zamabongo Mojalefa, project director at Heartlines. “The way conflict, anger and relationships are handled in the home shapes what children come to see as normal.”
“This is not about blame,” says Dlamini. “It is about invitation. A child does not need a perfect father. They need presence. They need someone who stays.”
“We do not need fewer men,” says Dlamini. “We need more men who stay.”
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